This is a long post, so I apologize beforehand for the length. I thought this would be a great topic and maybe some fellow members here can identify...

Recently, my best friend and I have hit a snag... her demon child! Help! Any advice would be much appreciated. I discussed this with some buds the other day, but thought some second opinions might help as well.

I’ve been friends with Alice (name changed to protect the innocent, lol, not that she even knows what Matty Collector is) for about fifteen or sixteen years. We went to the same schools and have always hung out together. We’re both thirty years old, come from the same town, and more or less, we’ve grown up together.

Lately, and I feel bad for doing this, but I’ve started avoiding Alice’s phone calls and social invitations to get together. Her daughter, Mallie, is five years old, and especially within the past few months, the kid has become somewhat of a terror to be around. It seems that Mallie’s behavior trouble began right around the time that she started school. I don’t know if Alice notices it as much as I do, or to what extent that the rose tinted glasses of motherhood obscure reality, but from the outside looking in, there has been a definite shift in her little girl’s demeanor.

Before venting, I do want to say that Mallie isn’t bad all of the time. It’s just that the good moments are much fewer and farther between than they once were, and she may grow out of it with age, but right now she just isn’t enjoyable to be around. It’s like the terrible two’s continued on into the terrible three, four, and five’s. Also, I think that Mallie’s behavior has a lot to do with Alice’s parenting. I would never, ever say anything about that to Alice though. I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings, and that would pretty much be the death nail of the friendship.

To me, it seems like there is very little discipline. I’m not implying that Mallie should be spanked at all by any means, but some kind of disciplinary action as punishment for when the kid misbehaves, such as standing in the corner or whatever, would be better than nothing at all.

Also, to Alice’s credit, she is getting some things right as far as parenting goes. When Mallie does well at school, her mom praises her and congratulates her on good work and a job well done... and Alice is a very loving mom. Howeveerrrrrr...

Here are some examples of Demonitus Demonstructus Mallie-ticious:

For Christmas, I went over to Alice’s house and brought her daughter some gifts. Mallie apparently didn’t like the DVD’s I got her, because she started screaming and crying when she opened them. This wasn’t just a few tears... this was all out wailing, and in-between the racking sobs, Mallie told me they weren’t what she wanted. Man oh man did I feel rotten. Afterward though what irritated me more was that I didn’t have a lot of money that Christmas, and I wasn’t able to buy presents for a lot of people. That money could’ve gone toward someone else. In the moment, I just played it off like I thought it was funny, but I really just wanted to run far away from the ear piercing screams. I had asked her mom what kind of movies she liked beforehand, but apparently Alice didn’t run the choices by Mallie first.

A few months ago, I was building a stone walkway for the front entrance of my mother’s house. I made a mistake by telling Alice about it, because right after I mentioned it, she offered to come over and help. In and of itself that was a good thing and I know Alice was only trying to help, but I knew that she would bring Mallie along, which would be a recipe for shenanigans. I tried to dissuade Alice by saying that I had it taken care of, and that I appreciated the offer, but I would be okay on my own. Alice refused to let it go.

When she arrived on the day of reckoning, I knew it was going to be rough when Mallie got out of her mom’s car with a sour look on her face, whining that her foot had fallen asleep and saying that she didn’t like my mom’s house and wanted to go home (secretly I was saying, yes, I want you to go home too). Events then transpired as I expected. Alice and I couldn’t get anything done because every other minute Mallie wanted this, needed that/ wanted us to stop what we were doing to go get her something, and so on. “Mommy I need my bubbles. Mommy, the top won’t come off. Mommy, I’m hungry. Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom. Mommy, where’s my DS? Mommy, it’s not here. Mommy can you move my chair? Mommy, can you get me to the next level? Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!”

While the mommy requests were being rattled off, she started stomping in the mud. Then she started running up and down the stones that we were trying to put down, coating each of them in a nice, thick layer of red Georgia dirt. Alice would tell her to stop playing in the mud in her new shoes, but it’s like the words just went in one ear and out the other. Mallie then proceeded to track mud all through the house, and before they left, she managed to leave me a nice present of her own in the toilet (revenge for the unwanted Christmas gifts I suppose). The whole time I didn’t understand why Alice didn’t just drop Mallie off at her grandparent’s house (they were home that day/ could’ve kept her). She would’ve been much happier and Alice and I wouldn’t have wanted to pull our hair out.

Last week, Alice invited me over to her house so that we could watch a movie. It was a horror flick, so of course not child appropriate. Sure enough, Mallie was there. Alice had gone out and gotten Chinese food for the two of us and a Happy Meal for the kid. Mallie ate about two pieces of her chicken nuggets, and “dropped” most of her fries on the floor for the dog to eat. When finished, Mallie kept saying, “Mommy, I’m finished... I’m finished,” over and over again until Alice went over to her to take the plate away. I thought to myself, “Why can’t Mallie either just leave her plate where it is for the time being or take the plate into the kitchen herself? Why does her mom have to do it?”

Eventually Mallie was sent to her room to watch a kiddie film while we watched our movie in the toy cluttered living room (aka Mallie’s living room). Sure enough, it began again. Alice had to stop the movie every other minute or so in order to tend to Mallie’s every whim. The craziest demand was, “Mommy! Can you come in here and press the play button on the DVD! I’m too busy.” Sheeesh. Of course Alice would always give in and continued toting everything to her for the remainder of my visit. After a short while, Mallie decided that she was hungry again, even though we had just eaten and she had given half of her food to the dog. Initially Alice said no to her, but just like clockwork, she finally gave in and made her something else to eat. When Alice was finished cooking, she brought Mallie’s food to her. The moment Alice sat the plate down in front of her, Mallie said, “Mommy, I didn’t want this. I don’t want this. I only wanted one piece of chicken.” Shortly afterward, satisfied with one piece of the chicken, lol, Mallie brought a little inflatable giraffe into the living room. She bopped it in the nose, and it came back and touched her in the face. It barely grazed her, and it’s a soft, inflatable giraffe, so it’s not like it could hurt her anyway. Apparently Mallie thought that it had scratched her eye (even though it only touched her cheek). All of a sudden the kid started screaming bloody murder! I have never heard anyone scream like that. To hear it, one would’ve thought that she was being killed. She screamed on and on, tears gushing down her face in a stream. I stayed long enough for her to calm down and realize that it hadn’t hurt her at all (it took about twenty minutes), before I made an excuse up on the spot for leaving early.

Whenever I call Alice on the phone, which is once in a blue moon now, Mallie all of a sudden gets jealous and wants all of her mom’s attention. I can barely even carry on a conversation without her daughter interrupting continuously. When we go out to eat, it’s always where Mallie wants. If Alice asks me where I want to go, I just say that it doesn’t matter to me, because I know whatever I say will get overruled by what Mallie decides. I don’t understand why at least sometimes, Alice couldn’t get a babysitter or leave the child with the grandparents. Alice claims that the grandparents are too old and doesn’t feel comfortable leaving her with them, but I’ve met them on several occasions and they seem to get around fine (I think Alice just doesn’t want to leave Mallie/ is being over protective). *Sigh*

Anyway, I don’t know what to do. Maybe for the next few years, just keep get-togethers with Alice to a minimum? She’s my pal and will always be my best friend, but I’m either going to have to stay away a bit more to keep my sanity or take a valium before meeting up with her. The other evening, when I was discussing it with my buds, one of them kept saying that I should talk to Alice about her kid, but I think that would be the wrong thing to do. It’s not my place and as I mentioned earlier, no parent likes hearing “your child is driving me bonkers.” ??? I would automatically become the bad guy in the situation. I’ve tried to get Alice to get a babysitter just for one evening at times, and it is to no avail.

Does anyone here have similar experiences with the children of the corn?

I'm sorry my friend , my english is very too bad , i'm afraid i can't help you ...

you could try being discrete and getting "Alice" to see what her child is for her self?

when she has these tantrums you could ask her doesn't she get frustrated or annoyed by the constant interruptions and demands.

Drop little hints, maybe even discuss other peoples badly behave children and mention similar situations and see if Alice then questions Mallie's behaviour. how you respond to this is key, you can't be negative but you can't be positive either, something like "she's not terrible" or "i've seen worse" its not directly saying she's poorly behaved but it indirectly compares her to bad children

with any luck Alice could ask your opinion, and then you can outline your concerns, just do it tactfully and toned down a bit.

one other thing,are you male? Female?
assuming male, is she bad with other people when your not there, say other mutual friends?
because i get the impression Alice is a single mother, and Mallie doesn't have a father figure 24/7, could Mallie see you as an unwanted father figure? and is acting up around you to drive a wedge?
Assuming female it is obvious she is driving a wedge anyway despite the above and is just craving 100% of her mother since she is the most prominent parent

one other thing, Mallie obviously craves the attention and acts up to keep her mother to her self, and in you avoiding your friend you are giving into the little brat. I guess you don't like the idea of the child winning, so i suggest you don't avoid her you actually see her more often, that should be some sweet revenge in causing annoyance for the child, because she may then escalate her attention seeking, which may further allow you to get Alice to loose the rose tinted glasses and see her demon child in its true colours.

for all you know Alice could be aware of it anyway but is too embarrassed to seek help, maybe her parents have already said something and thats why she doesn't go see them or leave Mallie with them?

one final bit of advice, NEVER be alone with the child, children are smarter than you give them credit, and she could tell her mother you have hit her or shouted at her, and she could claim worse i suppose....

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Agent Gibbs,

quote:

Originally posted by Agent Gibbs: Drop little hints, maybe even discuss other peoples badly behave children and mention similar situations and see if Alice then questions Mallie's behaviour. how you respond to this is key, you can't be negative but you can't be positive either, something like "she's not terrible" or "i've seen worse" its not directly saying she's poorly behaved but it indirectly compares her to bad children

with any luck Alice could ask your opinion, and then you can outline your concerns, just do it tactfully and toned down a bit.

one other thing,are you male? Female?
assuming male, is she bad with other people when your not there, say other mutual friends?
because i get the impression Alice is a single mother, and Mallie doesn't have a father figure 24/7, could Mallie see you as an unwanted father figure? and is acting up around you to drive a wedge?
Assuming female it is obvious she is driving a wedge anyway despite the above and is just craving 100% of her mother since she is the most prominent parent

Thanks for the feedback Agent Gibbs. I really liked your advice about dropping the tactful and subtle hints. It seems like that would be the best strategy at this point.

I'm a guy, and yes, Mallie is the same way around Alice's other friends, whether male or female. One of Alice's friends, Shelley, actually told me that she stopped meeting up with Alice for a little while at one point because of Mallie's tantrums. So at least I know that it isn't just me! Also, Alice is married, but her husband works extremely long hours as a cook at a busy restaurant. Typically, he'll be gone most of the day. He doesn't get home until around midnight each night, by which time Mallie is asleep, and usually he has to leave for work before Mallie gets home from school. Alice is definitely the prominent parent. Mallie has actually slipped a few times by calling me and some of Alice's other male friends "daddy," so that might be telling as well.

And of course I don't hate the kid, I mainly just miss being able to enjoy time with Alice. Yesterday for example I took Alice out for her 30th birthday, and it was rare that I even got to finish a complete sentence without Mallie loudly interrupting. I had to repeat myself two or three times in order for Alice to hear me over the little girl. At least Alice did notice it at the restaurant and seemed annoyed by Mallie also (it was a nice restaurant and Mallie kept getting louder, thereby drawing attention to the table). Alice and I finally got to talk a little bit as we were going our separate ways in the parking lot afterward, and that was only because she had already strapped Mallie into the car seat and shut the car door, thus creating a physical barrier between us and the kiddie banter. Mallie was so wound up that I could hear her talking to herself at about a mile a minute in the car while Alice and I said goodbye.

Anyway, again, thanks for the feedback Agent Gibbs. And @ Mantenna 14, no worries at all!

your welcome even if I've helped in a small way I'll be glad

it does seem Mallie is a demanding child and jelous of anyone taking the attention from her (i dread to think what teenage years will be like)

its good you still spend time with your friend, i nearly lost my best friend "Charlie" after my ex girlfriend fell out with her and although its a different situation i understand the want to see someone, yet at the same time have an uncontrollable element making it dam near impossible

Subtlety is probably the only way, an ex confronted her cousin about a similar daughter and they didn't talk for months. in a mothers eyes a child can do no wrong at a young age

good luck River i hope it works out, nothing is worth loosing a friendship over, just tolerate Mallie and hope Alice notices and/or Mallie improves